Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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