I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
