well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
