i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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