glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
