Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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