I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
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thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
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Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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