and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
40s are totally the cure
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
