I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
