How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
