My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
