what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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