Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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