is your mom at the bar?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
