ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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