My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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