I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
