you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm passing your future prison.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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