Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
