My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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