I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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