Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
