The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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