she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
