I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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