I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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