I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
