I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
