it was like his penis was on wheels.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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