I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
