How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
