Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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