you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
