And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
is wine microwaveable?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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