yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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