We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
