JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
