I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
