I can tuck mytits in my pants
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
