I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
