Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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