i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
