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• (586): View more from Michigan

  You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You're ridiculous

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Your hot

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..

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• (940): View more from Texas

  You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.

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• (956): View more from Texas

  You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom

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• (561): View more from Florida

  Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.

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