I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
PANTIES FOUND
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