Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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