Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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