Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
