make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
