When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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