How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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