just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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