When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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