So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
