I wish I could teleport
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
