just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
