is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
