What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
