oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
