i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
