Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
