some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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