Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
this will be a night to untag.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
