sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
