drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
