Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
