And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
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