Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
