She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Randomize
