My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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