every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
