To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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