i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
