My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
