And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
