I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
