i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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