Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Even the bartender felt bad for me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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