hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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