Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
