piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
