So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
