She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
