Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
