My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
