Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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