my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
