He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
