btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize