Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
