HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
