If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
