My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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